A New Year Promise

You ask me what I want as a new year gift...
What should I ask for myself this new year?
I think I have all in having you..
But I'm reminded of  Ghalib's lines:
"Hazaron Khwahishein Aisi ki har khwahish
pe dam nikle
bahut nikle mere armaan magar phir bhi kam nikle"

So,this year my love
I promise to love myself more
and so will I love the
little moments of life,
that give miniscule joys of life.
I'll love you more
 by loving myself
as in me you reside.

kuch tham sa gaya hai aaj

कुछ थम सा गया है आज
आज न चाहकर भी रो पड़े हम
हम रुक से गए
गए   थे अपने ही हमे छोडके
छोडके अगर जाना ही था
था क्यूँ थामा हमारा हाथ
हाथ अब छूट  ही गए तो
तो बनेगी कैसे अपनी बात
बात बन तो जाती मगर
मगर हर बार आ ही जाता
जाता है इक पलछिन पल
पल जो हमें जीने न दे
दे न हमे मरने की इजाज़त
इजाज़त मिल तो जाती पर
पर कुछ थम सा गया है आज

Beyond the world's end

Your soft hands cup my face
and you look into my eyes,
searching ,reaching the farthest crevices of my soul.
Oh yes!They tell you what you wanted to know
- they tell you I'm yours.

You move a strand of my hair
falling over ,covering
 my love-drunken droopy eyes.
Oh yes!They tell you a fairy tale
of a Rapunzel in me waiting for her lover.

You smell my neck,my face,my body
seeping in my untouched fragrance
like a loving child close to a mother's bosom .
Oh yes!It tells you what you feel for me
-a purely magical feeling called love.

I let you cup,move and smell.
I let you love me once again.
Oh yes!I know we'll always meet
beyond the world's end ;
till our souls merge at 
the dawn of a new eternity. 

The Choice

The bliss of being alone
the bliss of being with you?
What do I choose?
I realise I can't choose -
I have to just flow 
with what comes ,follow my heart as always.

Now that I'm growing old with you 
I still am the same little girl at heart
who chose you above all.
With or without you
is not a question anymore .

You reside in me ,
had made my heart your home 
many years ago.
So what if the door is a bit 
rusted and creaks when there is a knock 
it still is a door,
it still opens,
 it still makes you believe in me.

So the choice is yours my love
to believe or not to believe...
to love or not to be loved....

The friendship that was!!

Remaining fragments of emotions
shattered like a mirror ,
breaking all that was
left in a relationship
that was once
called true friendship.

Turmoil,envy,agony and strife,
also the pain evidently rife ;
making my life bereft of
any warmth that was
there between
you and me.

The loss of faith,
The loss of trust ,
transformed into an
empty void of mistrust:
the burden of which
is carried by
both of us:
all the time
-everywhere
like the albatross
hung around our necks.

Isolation

Why did you hold my hand
when you couldn't love me forever?

Why did the road turn bleak
and suddenly disappear into the foggy land?

Why did the music melodious and fresh
turn into a harsh cacophony?

Why did you only love the one person in me
and not accept me in totality?

Why did you try and change me
into something that I can never be?

Why did my smiles turn against me
and laugh at me with haunting pain?

Why do I find peace only in isolation?
How come I am in a state of desolation?

nayi umeed

बदलते रहे करवटें बिस्तर पर यूं
 नींद हो गयी कहीं ओझल
उड़ गयी कुछ देर हमे सपने दिखा कर
फिर कर गयी वोह हमे बोझिल


करते रहे याद वोह पुरानी बातें
जो रखी थी कहीं तकिये के सिरहाने
जब बंद आँखें खोली तो
चले फिर हम खुद को मनाने 

तकलीफ तो हुई बहुत 
पर दिल के अरमान सब टूट गए
मुट्ठी खुली और
बचे रेत के घर भी फूट गए

चलो अब ले चले इस दिल को वहां
जहाँ न हो कोई झूठे वादे
ज़िन्दगी पल में हो सकती है आसां
अगर फिर हो चले हम  सादे

मना लेंगे दुनिया को हम
बस साथ जो थोड़ा देदो तुम
आएगी फिर से चैन की नींद
फिर भर  आयेगी नयी उम्मीद

Nature of love

Oceanic waters of deep affection,
Waves of soulful,heart-filled laughter,
Splashing mists of tearful gladness
Surround me when I'm perceiving
the nature of your love.

Adoring eyes of the pitter-patter raindrops ,
her soft fingers on my face,
remind me of your touch ;
and heavenly feeling drapes me like wilful clouds
and touches the horizons of my body and soul.

I shine as a multi-hued rainbow.
I glow as the morning sunrise .
I 'm drenched like the fields waiting for the rains.
It is now that I  comprehend the nature of your love-
The timelessness and permanance.

Papa ,I Love You

Papa,I love you!!

Papa,You have always kindled
my life with enthusiastic vigour of fiery energy,
The will to win,
the aim distant yet appraochable,
the life of a struggler striving for perfection.

Honest thought and perseverance
have always been by your side.
Lofty high flown ideas flee at your sight.

Pragmatic idealism of true love
is what you've made me understand.
The respect for each human,
the respect for each hand.

Humble yet self -esteemed you've always been.
To know thyself always keen.

Not like the other gold-diggers who are planned makers,
you have always been my one and  only inspiration.

The blunt reality of your words
will never be lost to me .
I wish you live forever
to love your lil' baby .

Papa,I love you!!

P.S:This poem was written just a few days before I lost papa forever.

I grew wings today

I grew wings today
and soared up in the sky like a skylark.
All I could see was light and glory down below.

I grew wings today
and frittered frivolously like a colourful butterfly.
All I learnt was to give some joy .

I grew wings today
and sparkled the dark dusty road like a firefly.
All I created was an enlightening vision.

I grew wings today
I wish they stay
Not melt like wax wings of Icarus.
He flew too near the sun
I flew for myself
I know God will see the difference.

Monologue of an AIDS patient

Footsteps..

Footsteps treading fast,
faster than never before,
from one door to other door.

Don't ask what is all this?
'Coz I'm noone to tell.
Nor here to scream and yell.
But to enjoy the moments of life..
Gave up I ,the whole strife.
The whole challenge 
thats put before us,
to restrict ourselves,
to follow the morals.

I thought I 'd be happy,
laurelled with flowers.
but what did I find instead-
a crown of thorns
rested on my whimsical head.
I wasn't given the little I asked for ,
the little I claimed.
I was pushed into corners,
scorched alive with hateful looks .

I may live today ,
die tomorrow .
Who knows about 
my next 'morrow.

I just lie here on a hospital bed,
trying to thread
my life
moment by moment:
gaiety to torment.
 For then, I just wonder..
Whose footsteps did I follow and reached this Hell??

I get no answer .
I never will.